Live with her, Part 1


There is not a day that goes by when I don't give thanks for being married to my best friend and soulmate, Gregg. He is absolutely the love of my life. We will be celebrating our 2 year wedding anniversary this month. When I asked him if he would be willing to write a post for the blog, I had no idea what to expect. Gregg writes for a living and in his spare (and I mean spare) time he writes music, video scripts, comic strips and has a few TV and movie scrips tucked away. I am hopeful that this post and his future posts will shed some light on what it's like to be on the other side of cancer. 

-Jamie Hoffpauir


There’s a great moment from one of the “Roseanne” Halloween episodes where Roseanne loses her spirit for the season and skips the annual Halloween party at the Lobo. Her friends in attendance begin lamenting the absence of the undisputed and self-proclaimed queen of Halloween. But then, one by one, the conversation unravels and they each reveal their closeted disdain for her pranks, her “god-awful” pumpkin cookies, her criticism of anything Halloween that doesn’t meet her muster…until finally her husband Dan, who’s been standing by quietly, has heard enough and suddenly shouts out (as only John Goodman can), “ with the woman.” HUGE LAUGHS. 

Jamie is not fond of “Rosanne;” I love the Halloween episodes and more so appreciate how the show was the first to authentically represent the grubbily honest and sweetly funny, real face of American middle-class families. Pulling back the grimy shower curtain obscuring American life was something I’m not sure she sure fully appreciated(s) as I do. Or… 

...maybe she prefers the masking of reality that TV shows up until “Roseanne” portrayed. For someone who has gone through the horror of being suddenly diagnosed with breast cancer (BC) in the prime of her life (young motherhood with one toddler and one in the oven) and the radical surgery and reconstruction to follow that she experienced, I can see why... 

Suffice to say that considering what she endured physically/cosmetically, there was more than a little apprehension on her part to become involved with me when we began a-courtin’ (full disclosure: I’ve known her since high school as the two-years-younger GF of a friend in my class, we re-met while working on a kids fitness show project of mine in 2008 and finally she caught up with me while attending a show of the 70s showcase cover band I’m in when we were both single again). For one, she had to bravely disclose to me what lay behind HER own curtain. At which point I realized I didn’t know ANYTHING about how these kinds of surgeries can permanently affect someone having gone through BC treatment. There was a lot of initial AND interim discussion, but when she realized my full acceptance of her in an intimate regard, there was no looking back as our relationship blossomed, love, smacked us in the ass and my adamant stance against ever marrying again crumbled very quickly. AND YET...I began to realize even to this day that there was more to her situation than meets even my eye...

-Gregg Martini